Feet and Falling Apart

I decided to paint my toes today.

I'll give you a second.  This is like one of those charming "like" when you see it photos.  Got it?  Good.  So yesterday my left pinkie toenail decided it was done with me, and bailed.  To be honest, it wasn't looking great for a while, so it was probably for the best anyway.  Still, though, this is one of the many things that has happened to my body here in Nicaragua with seemingly no explanation.  My skin and feet have taken the brunt of it.  I've gotten rashes, inflamed bug bits, cracked and sore skin, as well as illnesses with no clear cause.  Volunteers will occasionally joke that Peace Corps will take at least a few months off our lives.

Thankfully, everything I listed above wasn't too serious, so I think I'll be fine in the long run.  As for toenail, it will grow back, my body will cope with everything else the environment can throw at it, and I will be stronger for it, if at least just emotionally.  See, while my body has kind of crumbled around me, I have started to take better care of my physical appearance to try to counterbalance everything else.

My skin might be blotchy and uneven but I'm going to wear that cute hair clip my host sister gave me.  A bacterial infection is no excuse not to at least wash my hair.  I might have a fever with pains, but I'm going to look damn good when I go to the hospital to get my blood drawn to check for dengue.  And it's not just for when my body is in a bad state.  When work isn't going well, when people are being gossips, or when my neighbor's rooster just won't stop being a jerk, it is nice to know that I have just a little control over something in my life.

I don't ever manage to look like a movie star, but that's not really my goal.  It is just to feel put together, so I can prove to myself and others that maybe, if I look like half of my clothes aren't covered in mold (even though they are), I can do that final VAST completion report.  And even if things don't turn out the way I want them to, at least I feel good about myself.

So my toenail might be MIA, but the rest of my nails look fabulous.  Sometimes that's the only battle that I'm going to win...and I'm learning to be ok with that.